Tough as…

Most of my work clothes are hand-me-downs from when my mother retired. She loves clothes and bought nice ones. I really don’t care much about clothes and buy whatever I see first when I walk into Marshalls. But every good thing must end, and my wardrobe circa 1999 is starting to look, well, like it came from 1999. When a colleague mentioned that she loves those new bento-box-of-perfect-for-you-clothes services advertised all over Facebook, I thought one of those might work to painlessly bring me into the 21st century.

The box came, and I opened it up. As I pulled out the first piece of clothing, out fell a little tri-fold flyer in heavy cardstock printed with testimonials from the company’s work-wear customers. What did these well-clad, happy working women say?

“I need to look like I eat nails for breakfast.”

There were other quotations, all in the same line: I need to look aggressive, dangerous, armed for battle.

Okay, first I laughed. But then I began to feel a little uncomfortable – all these women paying $145 for a sheath dress that supposedly would make them seem invulnerable and warlike – but with just a hint of above-the-knee feminine wiles.

The war-like language is supposed to counteract the image of women as the weaker sex, of course, and position us as full participants on the workplace battle field. But the workplace isn’t war. Bayonetting your colleagues (or even your competitors) doesn’t get you many promotions.

This company’s marketing of an aggressive work image assumes that the way women – and even more so men, I’d guess – succeed at work is by projecting invulnerability. That may be good marketing, but it is false. All sorts of people can succeed at work – strong people and weak people, aggressive people and peace makers. Indeed, I think it takes all of those to make a healthy workplace. What happens to us if we are all trying to seem invulnerable?

I don’t mean that rhetorically – what does happen to us if we all try to seem invulnerable at work? Well, we sure wouldn’t need sick leave, or disability insurance if we were invulnerable. Flex time would be for weaklings who have families, and teleworking for people who can’t handle a gruelling commute. Turing down that assignment in a fragile country? Pffft. Loser.

And that is all just work-life balance stuff. What if we had to project invulnerability in the work itself? Who could ever ask for help, or admit to ignorance? Or, heaven forbid, confess a mistake?

The thing is, we are vulnerable and weak sometimes, all of us. And strong and competent and ass-kicking, too. I’m most certainly not saying that our clothes need to project our complex selves, to somehow convey that we are approachable and empathetic but yet have spines of stainless steel. That’s a lot to ask of an outfit. But we can, at least, try to reject the notion that invulnerability is the image one should project, whether through clothes or actions.

So what did I do with my box of aggressively marketed clothes? I sent back that $145 sheath dress – I really don’t like dresses much. But at the bottom of the box I found a flowy top, cream-colored with a print of scattered wildflowers, and a pair of gray pants made from a heavy, nubbly fabric that will feel wonderful on a cold day. I think I’ll keep them. Not as armor, but simply as clothes.