My Harvard Business Review magazine landed on the kitchen table in the usual pile of junk mail, and as I stood there sorting the bills from the pizza coupons I almost tossed the HBR into the recycle bin. Why? Because the cover story was "Why Feedback Fails." Okay, I thought with a snort, they've finally... Continue Reading →
Free to Be You and Me was the soundtrack of my childhood. When I see in my mind's eye the living-room of the little red ranch house where I grew up I hear "It's All Right to Cry" and "Housework" playing in the background. But there is one song called "Helping" that sticks in my... Continue Reading →
Last year, after 20 years away from rowing, I bought a boat. It’s a 26 foot long needle of Kevlar and carbon fiber, less than 12 inches wide at the water line, and when it is rowed well it flies. That, however, is the problem: rowing it well is difficult, and rowing it badly is... Continue Reading →
Waiting for your annual employee performance review can be like waiting for a phone call from a cagey love interest: what does he think of me? He likes me, he likes me not…he likes me, he likes me not. Around APR time we spend a lot of energy wondering does my boss like me (appreciate... Continue Reading →
Just the word “gossip” sets my teeth on edge. It brings back memories of middle school, where gossip was currency and weapon and social glue embodied in a language I didn’t understand, just as I didn’t understand which kind of Guess jeans or Swatch watch was the right kind. I always had the wrong kind.... Continue Reading →
Not long ago I wrote a polemic against criticism. One might therefore think that I am a fan of criticism’s opposite, praise. But I am not. Praise, in my mind, is as damaging as criticism in the long run, even if it is more pleasant in the moment. That is because praise and criticism arise... Continue Reading →
We are all critics. We critique restaurants on Yelp, books on Amazon, and each other with the tap (or not) of the Like button on Facebook. We critique ourselves in the mirror and in our bank balance. Heaven help me, I’ve critiqued my husband for the way he folds a shirt and my son for... Continue Reading →
Ten year olds on a basketball court get and give a lot of feedback. Yes, there is the teasing and the joshing, the urgent calls of “Here! Hey! Come on, I’m OPEN,” the cajoling and teaching of the coaches, the whistle. But the feedback I was watching most (as I sat on a very hard... Continue Reading →
And by “good” I mean useful feedback, not happy-smiley-rainbows feedback. Good feedback is helpful, timely, actionable. It is a proffered hand up rather than a kick in the pants. If we are wise, we let it make us better people. But what if the person who should be providing that feedback doesn’t, can’t, or won’t?... Continue Reading →
Feedback. It can be a terrifying word. I don’t know which is more frightening, the thought of getting or giving feedback. Either one has the potential for conflict and hurt. What we don’t think much about, though, is that feedback truly is an opportunity for kindness and growth, whichever way it is going. Sometimes it... Continue Reading →
Open Door Policy 